How I Raise Feminist Boys: Teaching Caregiving as Gender-Neutral
I’m a mom of five boys and one of the things we’re intentional about in our house is raising them to be feminists. We want them to value women and the work they do (whether it be inside or outside of the home) equally to what men do.
As a mom of five boys, one thing I’m passionate about is making sure my boys value women and the work they do (whether it be inside or outside of the home) equally to what men do, in other words, I’m passionate about making them feminists.
Here are some things we do in our house to encourage them to be feminists:
We try to make a really clear distinction between the relationship of motherhood and the job of caregiver. I’m their mom because that’s the name of the relationship I have with them. I’m also their caregiver, which means I am the one that takes care of them during the day. Those things are separate. It’s important to me that they understand I do these things because I’m their caregiver, and it’s not just inherent because I’m the woman in the household. A woman’s place is not in the home. A woman’s place is wherever she freaking wants to be.
We really try to emphasize that caregiving itself is gender neutral. We do have the stereotypical setup of me being home with the kids and my husband Stephen working at an office, but when he is home he is VERY involved in the caregiving tasks. He makes them breakfast most mornings, helps them get ready for school, drives them to school, and then in the evenings he helps with dinner and bedtime.
I try to hire male babysitters as well as female babysitters. I want my boys to see that taking care of kids is not something that just girls do.
I’m very wary of gender stereotypes. Whenever I hear my boys say a stereotype I quickly question them on their thought process and think of an example that might change their frame of reference. I’m really trying to help them not create rigid boxes in their heads about boys vs girls.
We try to showcase all of this as a team effort. We thoroughly believe that the best way to teach children is through example. If it were just me trying to encourage this mindset it wouldn’t be nearly as effective. Thankfully Stephen feels the same way, so I’m hopeful my boys will pick up on it!
While it’s too young to know if this is rubbing off, there have been little examples that encourage me that we’re on the right track. If you want more practical ideas of things let’s hang out on instagram and feel free to send me a message!
XOXO, Hannah
