Why a Messy House Isn’t Causing Your Stress (Your Thoughts Are)

Alternate title: Messy House stressing you out??? TRY THIS!

It’s January so the “Get your house in order” content is in full swing. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before you see an inflammatory headline telling you that your house’s lack of other is the the reason for all your stress.

After seeing those headlines for years, and feeling a heart-sinking feeling each time, I was genuinely shocked when I looked into the actual research studies that were being referenced and found that (shocker!) the headlines were more than a little misleading.

The first thing that shocked me was this:

most of (if not all) of those studies are self-reported.

MEANING, there wasn’t a committee of people that went into 100 different homes and catelogued how many items that person had/how they were organized/arranged and then measured their cortizol. RATHER, most studies said something along the lines of “the people who reported their homes were messy had more stress.”

LET ME REPEAT: THE PEOPLE WHO LABELED THEIR HOMES AS MESSY…WERE MORE STRESSED.

That lead me to question…was it REALLY the items on the counter that were causing the stress? Or was it the thoughts the people had about the stuff on the counter that was causing the stress ????? 🤯

I’ve yet to find a study that can prove or disprove my theory, so until then I’m going to yes, clean when I can and I’m doing it out of desire rather than obligation, AND ALSO, be really mindful of the words I’m using to describe my home.

If you find yourself frequently stressed about the state of your home, here are some ideas:

Change your words
Instead of my “house is a disaster'“ try “my house is busy today” or “the house is lived in.” Same facts. Less emotional charge. Words change the tone in your head more than you expect (and dare-I-say may even affect the level of cortizol in your body???)

Practice urge surfing
When you have that feeling of “AH I have to clean everything RIGHT NOW or I’m gonna LOSE IT!” Pause. Picture it like a wave. It rises, it peaks, it falls. Ride it out for 90 seconds. Shockingly, you may realize the urgency fades and you can actually choose what you want to do (rather than feeling compelled by some inner conpulsion.)

Start tiny
Pick one thing. Wipe one counter. Put away three toys. Set a five minute timer and see what happens. Starting often shrinks the stress or helps you decide other priorities are okay.

Remember: It is not a reflection of you or how good of a mom you are
A cluttered floor does not equal a failed mom. A cluttered floor is literally that: a floor with stuff on it. There are brilliant moms who live in tidy houses and brilliant moms whose homes are “lived in.” Having a “lived-in” house is morally neutral.

If your house is stressing you out, try swapping the story you tell about it and see what shifts.

If this message resonates, I’m Han—and I share more thoughts like this over on Instagram. You’re always welcome here ❤️

XOXO, Han